When Treatment Plans Don’t Work: Why the Problem May Be the Goal—Not the Person
Author: Mary Stanley | Holistic Neurodiverse & Trauma Practitioner
Founder of Unmasking Neurodiversity
"We tried everything... but nothing seems to work."
If you’ve ever said this, you’re not alone. As a parent, educator, therapist, or even as a neurodivergent adult navigating support systems, you may reach a point of frustration, confusion, and burnout.
But here’s a radical reframe:
The issue may not be you or them. The issue may be the goals themselves.
⚠️ The Hidden Harm of "Fix-It" Goals
Many treatment plans are built around deficit-based thinking. These plans often ask:
How do we reduce the behavior?
How do we make them more “functional”?
How can we help them blend in?
But what if we asked:
✅ What does this behavior communicate?
✅ What are their needs behind the behavior?
✅ How do we support their natural wiring?
When we set goals to make people fit into society—rather than helping them thrive as they are—we’re unintentionally asking them to become someone else.
This is especially dangerous for autistic individuals, who often face chronic masking, performance fatigue, and the emotional trauma of not being accepted as themselves.
🧠 How the Brain Plays a Role
When goals are out of alignment with the brain’s natural processing style, we create friction instead of flow.
For example:
Autistic children may struggle with expressive language, but excel with visual thinking. A goal focused on "more verbal output" may miss the opportunity to strengthen communication alternatives like AAC, drawing, or scripting.
A child who stims to self-regulate might have a goal that teaches them to stop stimming—without offering a sensory-safe replacement.
An adult with executive functioning differences may be labeled lazy or noncompliant when in fact their brain needs structure, visual supports, and external reminders to thrive.
Instead of forcing people to change their wiring, we must learn to work with the wiring.
✅ What Personalized Goals Actually Look Like
Personalized, neurodiversity-affirming goals:
Center the individual’s lived experience
Prioritize regulation over compliance
Emphasize strengths, passions, and interests
Acknowledge sensory needs and environmental mismatch
Invite collaboration from the person and their family or support system
💡 Examples:
Instead of “Johnny will sit quietly for 15 minutes,” try “Johnny will use sensory strategies to maintain regulation during group activities.”
Instead of “Sarah will respond to questions immediately,” try “Sarah will use preferred communication tools (speech, AAC, drawing) to express her thoughts at her own pace.”
🔁 Suggestions for Parents & Practitioners
Audit Current Goals:
Ask yourself: Who is this goal really for? Is it about the person’s growth—or society’s comfort?Involve the Individual:
Whether they’re 5 or 50, involve the person in shaping their own goals. Ask what matters to them.Replace "Compliance" with "Connection":
Focus on relationships and co-regulation before demands.Reframe Behaviors:
See behaviors as data—not defiance. What sensory input, overwhelm, or communication gap might be behind the action?Celebrate Authenticity:
Support identity-affirming language and allow space for stimming, downtime, and alternative communication methods.Build Accommodations into Daily Life:
Visual schedules, body-doubling, timers, movement breaks, and quiet zones aren't crutches—they're tools of empowerment.
💬 Final Thought
When treatment plans fail, it’s not a sign that your child is broken—or that you’re doing something wrong.
It’s a signal to pause.
To ask better questions.
To stop trying to mold a person into something they’re not...
And instead, help them become more of who they truly are.
At Unmasking Neurodiversity, we believe in throwing away the mask, the mold, and the medicalized mindset. We’re here to help you create personalized pathways that honor brains, bodies, and authentic being.
🔗 Want to Learn More?
Download our free Neurodiversity Goal Audit Worksheet
🎧 Tune in to our podcast Crackin’ the Spectrum
📅 Book a clarity call to explore custom support
🌐 www.supportiveminds.com
Because thriving should never mean pretending.
